Sliding Into Home

This title takes on a whole new meaning when you are not talking baseball.  Here in Colorado, and at my house inparticular, it means that turning into my street slides me right into my driveway.  If it was part of a comedy, it would be really funny and perhaps even kind of cool but following the Uhaul meets Fence experience, it's a little frightening.  I keep meaning of taking a photo of the corner for you, but once I get inside the house, well, something else happens like being greeted by an excited little dog.

Kanga and Fluffy have begun playing a game that I like to call "She's Mine" which is to say that they compete for my attention and my lap.  Once, they both sat on my lap at the same time but I think that was just them both standing their ground.  As for me, I don't enjoy the game very much at all.  I figure it will work itself out by Spring, or I will not have any animals on my lap-at all.

In the meantime, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!

New and Exciting

This blog is now linked to my tumblr page, MissyMarian.tumblr.com.  What could be more exciting?  Well, I'll tell you...I started a new blog, since this one has fulfilled its orginal purpose...staying in contact with family and friends as I traveled across the country. 

My new blog is Turtling With Fluffy at turtlingacrossamerica.tumblr.com (I think).  I'm not really certain what its purpose is, but I'm excited just the same. 

What Was That?

It's really late and I should be sleeping but there's just too much to process so I'll catch you all up...last Friday, I picked up my young friend, practically a niece, from the Denver airport.  If you have never been to that airport, it is really spread out.  To get to the terminal you take two escalators, one tram, and three moving sidewalks, the rest of it you just walk under your own power.

After a minor setback, we headed home and it was easy for both of us to fall right to sleep.  Early the next morning, a loud bang woke me up.  I first thought she had fallen out of bed.  I went into her room and observed her sleeping then went back to bed myself.  Thinking that my next door neighbor must have dumped something large in the gigantic trash bin that they have hired for this purpose, I fell right to sleep only to hear my doorbell ring and pounding on my window.

I popped back up and opened the door only to discover my neighbor pointing out that a moving van had crashed through the power/telephone pole, my side fence, missed the car, the biggest tree, and the house, went through the back fence while taking down a small tree then came to a dead stop in my backyard.

 

So, naturally, I grabbed my bathrobe (bright red) and my camera and proceeded to photograph the wreckage while talking to the shocked gentleman who had unfortunately hit the gas instead of the brake, and did not know what to do with himself. 

Of course, all the neighbors came out, since they heard the crash and lost their power and land lines.  I was very happy that my pajamas, robe and slippers were color coordinated and presentable but I must have been quite the sight shooting photos from every angle.

Hearing sirens, I went in the house and got dressed, moved the car out of the driveway so that I would have access to it and witnessed a swarm of fire trucks, utility vehicles and police descend on the scene. First they propped up the pole with a shorter pole and then they used a crane and a cherry picker to hoist the old pole out and put the new pole in, reconnect the wires and such, and left.  They handled everything so efficiently that I feel compelled to write a thank you. 

 

Now, I am missing two fences.  A quick trip to Home Depot for a roll of plastic fencing and my trusty staple gun encloses the backyard for Kanga.  I used the broken fencing to disguise the green plastic, but it is still rather unsightly.  It's easy to say that it's been a busy week, especially since that was just one day of it.

Smoked Turkey

So, Thanksgiving has come and gone and I was only a week behind.  Which is to say that I cooked my turkey exactly one week late.  I wasn't really that far behind schedule-although I am perfectly capable of it, it's just that I hemmed and hawed so long about whether or not I was going to cook one that by the time I got around to buying one there were only huge birds left, so I waited for company.

Ricky and Joseph blew into town and while they raked my leaves and straightened up this and that, I cooked the 17 pound turkey for us.  Of course, I have my turkey roasting pan so well stashed that I could not find it...so, I used the lasagna pan-which isn't deep enough...resulting in drippings in the oven that set off two smoked detectors.  It's not your typical dinner music, but it wasn't a typical dinner so I guess you could say it was on theme and it was in stereo.

It's really just another day, but Happy Thanksgiving.  Come on bye if you'd like some smoked turkey.

Looking for Clarity

It's become quite unclear to me, and it is in no doubt that I need new glasses.  I actually don't mind wearing glasses, it buying them that I find a very specific type of torture.
The selection of frames is practically endless, and I know that whatever I choose is going to look weird just because I'm not used to them  After comparing three or four pair, I feel truly ridiculous. 

At this point the sales girl appears.  "Did you find something you like?"

"Not really,"  I admit, "I'm looking for a good suggestion."  She picks up the abandoned frames from the counter and begins to put them back.

"None of this suit your face, or your color.  Why don't you  come with me."  She turns the corner and there are five hundred more pairs of glasses.  My mind goes instantly into overload....you could say that I don't like shopping for them at all.  She looks at me like I am being dramatic just because my hands flew over my eyes.  Some people are so judgemental.

"I think you'll find something that suits you over here."  She flourishes to her left and there are three walls of frames in a sort of office cubicle.  The woman in the glasses ads looks a lot like me.  Hmm, there could be something to this.  I have been in the glasses place now for twenty five minutes and I am still somewhat short of the target here.

Need I go on?  Is it obvious to you yet that I need guidance here?   I mean glasses say a lot about a person, what do I want my glasses to say about me?  What can I say?  "I need a nap."  I say to the sales girl as I pull myself to my feet and begin assembling myself for departure.

"Just try this one pair."  She hands me glasses, I put them on, I buy them because I just want to get out of the freaking store and I did come here to get new glasses.  It's how I got my last three pair, can't say I'm crazy about it...you could say that I don't like it at all.

The First Chill Of Winter

It was sunny this morning, but that didn't lift the chill from the air.  Kanga, the newest addition to my little family, looked at me with that expression of betrayal-believing as all little ones do, that the adult controls the weather.  That is little better than believing that the weather person controls the weather...a personal pet peeve.

This week saw the re-election of the American President, and a sigh of relief was heard throughout the country as political ads left the airways.  There was little sigh of relieve at the president's re-election since his non-supporters believe him to be 1) the anti-Christ 2) a secret Muslim controlling the demise of our beloved country, or 3) not capable of breaking the gridlock in the current Congress (which includes both the House of Representatives and the Senate).  This is the aspect of Mr. Obama's administration that was most tempting for me to cross parties this election had the opposing candidate  not been 1) a mercenary capitalist 2) a detail free planner and 3) seemingly unable to understand what the American populace has been through and what remedies need to be in place for us to thrive again.

I am somewhat of a simpleton when it comes to politics, for I truly believe that once the election is over, and the winner declared-it is time to rally behind the winner for the good of the country.  This concept use to be known as patriotism.  Now, I am not sure what is meant by that word currently in our culture, for I remain convinced (against current experience) that we will come together as a nation to solve the problems facing us today.

The only way that this can NOT happen is if Americans allow it.  It is infuriating to me that so many people accepted the Republican strategy of "Just say no" and their conviction that if they tied up our government in knots it would guarantee that Mr. Obama would not be re-elected.  Secretly, I think this is why many people stayed home, the couldn't bring themselves to vote for him but they couldn't support governance by blackmail either.  So, things remain largely as they were-except for one little thing.  President Obama doesn't have to be re-elected again, ever and is actually free to hold their feet to the fire, wrangle them into submission or start the political arm twisting that brings about cooperation.  Who knows what he might do now that he has been told quite clearly that we want what he promised us and gridlock is not acceptable?

I will end my rant there because my hands are cold and I doubt that anyone is still reading anyway.  Besides, I need to take the little dog out and she is not aware of the drastic temperature change she is about to experience before I can sleep with the confidence that I won't wake up by a puddle or other unwelcome deposits.

Untethered With Too Many Cookies

I apologize for my absence, and I hope you weren't worried or bored but much of the past couple of weeks were no fun at all so...I took a pass but more recently, some things worth commenting on have occurred...

To start with, Colorado has early elections so I voted and feel quite free to stop paying attention to the final mud sling that accompanies these last few weeks of the electoral cycle.  Big sigh of relief.

Of much more import, my dear friend, Jack Warford, turned eighty and I was fortunate enough to attend the celebration.  They now live in Santa Fe which is a straight drive down Interstate 25 from here.  I took the risk with my 1997 Ford Areostar van even though I have given up my cell phone -untethered in a certain way -and successfully arrived on Friday just passed dinner time.  The van sounded like a squeaky wheel and since I actually know an honest mechanic there I scheduled it for a a look see and carried on.

Jack's party was all that it should have been and a good time was had by all.  I only knew a couple of people there so I resorted to taking pictures and making party talk about looking for a dog.  In Colorado Springs a rescued dog costs $350...a bit more than a little out of my league and morally objectionable as well.  In New Mexico, throwing dogs out your car window seems to be a local pastime, so they are a little more realistic about allowing adoptions for $125, much more my speed so, I figured I'd make it a twofer.

One thing led to another and by Wednesday Susie, Jack and I kept an appointment at the Heart and Soul Sanctuary (a tax deductible not-for-profit, by the way) while the van kept its appointment at the mechanic.  This woman, Natalie, bought something like 300 acres (for those of you unfamiliar with acreage, that would be HUGE), fenced it off and takes all comers.  She has like forty dogs, sixty cats, horses, llamas, goats, and every small animal you can imagine.  For all of the animals at her sanctuary, there is NO smell - seriously, none.  No horse smell, no dog smell, none. As the owner of one cat and one dog for the past ten years or so (except since Coco has passed, that is) I have been challenged to be so successful. 

The original house, which I think she lives in, was not carpeted in the usual wall to wall.  Cotton bath mats, practically a hundred of them were laid just overlapping as far as my eye could see.  This allows them to pick up any soiled piece and replace it with a clean one.  Ingenious, really!  Dog bowls, huge ones, were placed strategically up the walkway to the building and throughout the house, all of them more or less full of wet food, side by side with dry.  The dogs, all smaller than mid-size, were free to roam throughout the house and the grounds.  I understand that the large dogs as well as the cats were in separate buildings with accompanying yard, but since I was looking for a smaller dog and my feet don't volunteer for extraneous walking, I parked myself on the floor of the main room and let a dog choose me.

The first dog to catch my eye was her personal dog, so I guess you could say that I have pretty good instincts.  A white mid-sized female, probably four or five years old kept coming back to me with a spring in her step, so just as I was making a commitment of the heart, Natalie said, "That's not a good match for you."  I looked at her questionably, I prefer an animal to choose me rather than the reverse.  "That dog's been adopted twice and came back both times.  She's really energetic and that's not a good match for you." She added looking at my feet.

"Okay," I said to her, and "sorry, sweetheart." I said to the dog.

"Look at this one, Marian."  Susie says handing me a cute little puppy.  This violates two of my dog adoption rules.  1) It was a puppy, not a dog and 2)  she picked it, it didn't pick me and I didn't pick it either...so even though it was cute as a button, I continued to interact with the changing field of dogs milling about.

"That is a good match for you." says Natalie.  This is a six week old pup, cute as a button- which you can see for yourself, from my photo.  To make a long story short, even though I went to find a dog, a 2 pound puppy is what I got.  I named her Kanga, straight from my favorite children's book, Winnie the Pooh- both because she hops about and because she likes to sleep inside my jacket like a joey.

I had to stop a Trader Joe's, a store that I miss oh, so much and somehow ended up with about a dozen different packages of cookies.  Evidently, that is what I really missed, though I wouldn't have said so.  Okay, so I got a lot of other food as well but I am really shocked at the amount of cookies that followed me home.  So, I survived my first cell free trip even if my wallet is a whole lot lighter from the dog/puppy, cookies and vehicle repairs, but hey, it's only money right?  As for the election, I'll be watching from the comfort of my sofa, petting a puppy and eating some cookies.  {Go VOTE ya'll}

Among Other Things

One thing about the fall, and more so in the winter is that the nights get so long.  I can't say that I mind, truth be told, I like the night.  Here in Colorado Springs, which is just north of the tallest peak of the American Rocky Mountains, we are easily affected by the air masses that move across the continent from practically any direction.  This means that our weather is very flexible, cold one day, hot the next but it's usually sunny.  I like this too. 

This past week has seen freezing to comfortably warm.  The cool nights are cozy, even though I overlooked the absence of a fireplace.  One night this week I looked on ebay for a portable fireplace, can't say I found one but it's something I'll keep my eyes open for.

I started a finance class a couple of weeks ago, one night a week for not quite two hours.  Most of what has been presented, which is reassuring since I've been investigating this area of my life for a few years.  Since my financial education is largely experiential, which is less than desirable, I started to reading in this area some number of years ago beginning with either Rich Dad, Poor Dad or The Millionaire Mind.  I have read over a dozen financial books, not the get-rich-quick type thing, more the how to do it right. 

This class is a good consolidation of everything I've cobbled together over the years.  It is my hope that at some point this class will identify the piece that will allow me to live my life further away from the edge of disaster. 

Talking about finances is very taboo, but I think that is part of the problem.  I think that if we talked about wise ways to use money and money competency we might have a chance of developing a better understanding of how to be better steward of all the resources available to us.

In the meantime, as I have made some new friends, some of my other friends have moved away.  The irony of this does not escape me especially since they moved to California-more people to visit on my next trip there.

Calm Excitement

These last few weeks have been the most peaceful of my life, not that they have been problem free-but amidst the difficulties, peace.   As strange as it may sound, I believe this to be the result of people praying for me. 

One of the highlights of the week is related to this blog.  As you probably remember, I was involved in a vehicle fire over a year ago and one of the casualties was all of the pictures from my travels and adventures (I prefer this explanation for the last couple years of my life) anyway, as it turns out the pictures I posted on this blog I was able to retrieve.  There weren't many of them, but they are most welcome.  Considering that I thought all of them lost, twenty is quite a find.

In the meantime, my van-affectionately called the Turtle, is limping along and in dire need of multiple repairs or replacement.  The Turtle did not consult with me or my budget, so I am now grounded.  It could be worse, my home is comfy and I have what I need, I just can't get very far.

As the back porch receives its finishing touches and the front porch awaits its first, things continue to move along at a snail's pace.  It's all good, since I really can't go anywhere anyway and besides, it's finally raining and what could be better than being warm, safe and dry?  Perhaps someone to keep me company...

Baking In The Fall

The heater turned on for the first time yesterday, and although a warm weekend is predicted, the autumn has arrived.  My tomato plant has one small fruit and I wonder if it will ripen before it frosts?

The summer here in Colorado Springs has been quite pleasant and I freely admit that I did not miss the scorching summers of California.  We had some very hot days, but the house stayed cool with the doors and windows closed and the evenings always cooled off comfortably.  I really enjoyed sitting on the back porch looking at the stars before going to bed.

The fall seems to require baking, and I have a batch of brownies cooling on the stove top.  I probably shouldn't indulge this habit unless I'm having guests but there is something about baking that is just right.  Perhaps you should come over for a cuppa and a brownie?

Dog Trading and Other Fables

After a week of peroxide ear rinses and other home remedies, the nameless dog's ear is much better.  Now, she still won't come to me but greets everyone else with enthusiasm.  It is easy to understand why she hasn't bonded with me, given the procedures that cured her but must have scared her to no end.  So, even if I was tempted to keep this dog, it is time to find her a new home.  I started calling her Spreckles, not that it makes any difference.

As I was telling Ricky, a local acquaintance, when I came home all of my other dogs would run to greet me.  "Oh, finally she's home.  I'm so happy to see you!" they would say in their leaps and licking.  This dog says, "Oh, crap, she's home let me go hide under the porch!"  and is reluctant to come out, even when I'm feeding her. 

I believe it's possible to train any animal, with time and consistency, but an animal that doesn't bond with you is a whole other story.  Anyone who met my Coco would know that I stand behind that statement.  When I got Coco, he was so aggressive and distrusting that he was described as Kudjo, the dog from the Steven King novel-then movie.

After a couple of years, he was an entirely different animal, though he never got completely normal he did become a good dog.  It was particularly satisfying when I brought him to stay at a friends while I was traveling and she actually thought that she had never met him before.  The main difference between these two dogs is that Coco and I were bonded before I ever started training him or did any minor medical procedures, and he wanted to be with me.  This dog, well, she thinks she's been dog napped not rescued.

The thing of it is that even though I understand her behavior, it still hurts me that she is so frightened of me.  In the fable of the lion with a thorn in his paw, he loves his rescuer but I guess that all changes when someone puts bubbles in your sore ear.  At any rate, I think it is ridiculous of me to be bothered about this but I am.  It appears that rescuing isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I wonder...is it possible to trade an animal in for one that is more compatible?

Sneakers

A friend of mine dropped a dog off for me to check out.  I was thinking that I was going to take a look at it, he was thinking that he was going to leave it here for three days...so, I have a dog, of sorts.

This dog is probably about three years old and is calm and housebroken.  She doesn't go into the trash at all but will pinch food off of the counter when given the opportunity.  She is afraid to be touched-at all, so I have not been able to brush her or bathe her.  This is enough for me to abandon the project.

Supposedly her name is Sneakers, but that is a surprise to her because when I call her name I get no reaction at all.  I have taken to calling her Pickles because it is the only thing that she will not eat.

She has one blue eye and one brown eye, and as much as I hate to admit it, it freaks me out a little.  She is chocolate brown and has some speckling which could turn out to be white if she ever gets a bath. 

It is amazing how much I can waffle on taking this dog to the pound.  The truth is that I don't want her.  She is good with the cat, but the fact that she won't let me touch her is unacceptable.  How can you train a dog you can't touch?  I will have to figure out how to get a leash on her so I can turn her in.  That will be a new experience for me...turning in an animal...

I've had a lot of new experiences these last couple of years, this is not one that I am looking forward to....

Where'd This Week Go?

Time is so fluid, one moment it rushes like an overflowing river and without any warning what-so-ever it seems to still like a placid lake.  I don't know any placid lakes, I'm not sure that I ever did, but these past couple of weeks have gone by as if I were busy-which I am not.

I have been doing a lot of writing, and liking what I've written.  The bear has made some reappearances, and I am happily looking out for him while keeping my trash indoors.  I did some online research and discovered that my bear isn't dangerous as long as I never feed him, that's easy...just as I'm getting used to this whole bear idea along came...the snakes.  Yes, you read that right, snakes, plural. 

At some point during the Waldo Canyon Fire, which was just a couple of miles away and mercifully progressing further away, I noticed the wood among the leaves on the far side of the house.  The wood was not so much piled as collected there after each of the storms knocked them off my trees and my neighbors.  One of the disadvantages of living at the end of a street, or just my street in particular, is that the wind carries all of the debris right to the top of my driveway.

As a last resort, I began pitching them over the fence and wishing I had a fireplace...or wishing that I'd assemble the fire pit Aunt Joan/Jean gave me that last Christmas...or figuring that I'd deal with it eventually.   As the heat and smoke persisted, and the news ran updates minute by minute for days on end, there was no avoiding it, the wood had to go! 

The next day laborer to knock on my door, as they do around here, looking for work was hired.  He stacked and tied the branches to be carted away and then went out to turn the leaves and spread them around the yard to avoid spontaneous combustion.  He came to the door carrying a young snake which he had accidentally whacked and wanted to know if I wanted to try to save it.  He was very sorry.  I did not scream but I surely wanted to.

As it turns out, these too are harmless-which is a very good thing because he saw several of them darting away when he happened upon the other.   I also learned that the snakes are excellent for keeping field mice and such out of your house and that they mean that my ground is very healthy...okay, I guess...though I don't know why it would matter because I am never going out in that yard again.

In a MInute

You always know that your whole life can change in a minute.  Minutes we hope for, like winning the lottery, meeting the right person or finding the right...minutes we dread, like a terrible car accident, the death of a loved one or the dreaded diagnosis.  We don't know when these moments are coming, we are aware of their possibility but for the most part our lives are spent between these moments.

Most of our lives are unremarkable selections of what to wear or what to have for dinner, perhaps who to date or what we want to do with our lives but even those seem to evolve over time until your choices come together into a lifestyle and in the end, your life.  Sometimes, we can trace a change to a particular decision but often we don't exactly know when we became so committed to the life that we are living.

Today, a small black bear walked out from behind my van...right to the end of the driveway and in that moment, I realized, that my life was changed.  This person that has lived her entire life just outside the two largest cities in the United States was now living among the bears and the deer. 

As intentional as my move to Colorado was, and as beautiful as I think it is here, I never thought for one moment about living with such large wildlife.  To think that I was so impressed by a friendly squirrel last year...a double rainbow last month...and now a young bear in my driveway.  It is a staggering thought.

A certain part of me has always wanted to live in such a place, but another part of me cannot believe the transitions that have brought me to this moment.  I didn't think of my new home as being as rural as this event portrays it.  I won't change it, if I wanted to I doubt that I could actually pull it off anyway.  I have committed myself to enjoying this life, as different as it is from the rest of my life, it is a good life just the same...but a bear in the yard?  That gives me pause.

I have been building my life here slowly, because that is my speed since everything happened.  Each minute that brought these huge changes was not necessarily more than a situation to be dealt with, the best I could.  I didn't handle them all well, by a long shot but I have accepted this truth and still I know that my life will change in a minute, though when that minute arrives is a total mystery to me.

Will it be the moment I've been waiting for?  Will it be a moment that I did not see coming?  Like a bear napping by the creek, that thrilled me or like that same bear popping out from behind the van that made me aware of my vulnerability?  Certainly. I hope it is something much more satisfying like meeting the love of my life as well as the successful resolution of legal matters that I decline to discuss.  Between these two ideas are a hundred more, each more abstract or fantastical but if a bear can and, in fact, did appear from behind the van in my driveway, is it any more fantastic to think that in a minute I could publish any part of my writing from the last thirty years?  Or become a non-smoker which I have been pursuing just as long.  Or establish a home business that allows me to work when I can, and which I crave?  Or become the artist that I have always dreamed of?  Which is more realistic?  Which is probable, or does that even matter?

This house on the corner, with a creek at the back has all these possibilities and more, but for the first time in my life, I think I might take up target practice...it's a new idea that could change my life, in a minute...

The Quest for Greatness

Perhaps it was the Opening Ceremonies that got me to thinking that everyone has a secret, or not so secret, desire for greatness.  Those who discover their particular brand of greatness early in their lives appear to have a decided advantage over the late bloomers.  Certainly we are more aware of them, but if you live long enough, you usually get to see them fall as well.  Some more gracefully than others.

As for the late bloomers, a group I include myself in, I wonder if they/we ever know our true greatness?  For most people, they unlike whoever it was that said each person gets fifteen minutes of fame, go about their lives without fireworks and standing ovations. 

Still, deep inside, I suspect there is a desire that bubbles up to the surface now and again.  I wonder about people that don't receive their accolades in their lifetimes.  Heroes known to their families, or the lady across the street.  People who do amazing things that just make the world a better place to live.

I'm thinking of a secretary I used to know.  She always managed to keep it together.  I was one of the few people who knew that she often came back to school after dinner and got things ready for the next day.  The only reason I knew is because that was when I went back myself. 

We made an agreement somewhere along the line to stop scaring the crap out of each other when we came in by singing or saying hello quite loudly.  This always amused the night custodian, who laughed easily and was happy for the company.  We seemed to develop another agreement, tacit for sure, that we didn't chat socially-we came to get work done, and we never mentioned that the other was there to anyone else. 

I sometimes think of her late in the evening and wonder...I wonder about a lot of people actually, including myself.  I wonder how things are getting along without us?  I wonder which of the seven million things I did actually changed someone else's life?  I wonder about my own life, and how it will play out over the next couple of decades?  I wonder about things that happened, and to be honest, I wonder about things that didn't happen a whole lot more.  I wonder about greatness and if this desire will be quenched by some event or fade like some teenage fantasies? 

Sitting here, at the computer provided by the love of a brother and his wife, I wonder about things that people do out of the kindness of their hearts.  I wonder if we ever really know the true greatness of people from different political parties, people from different social classes, people who work behind the scenes to make certain that everything is ready for tomorrow?  I hope they know their greatness, I hope they know that it is not the same without them.

I wonder if I could know that each and every person that I have ever or will ever meet in my life has a greatness?  I believe that the more I can be mindful of this simple fact, the better my own life will be.  I believe that the more each of us can be mindful of this, the better the world will be. 

Restless

I am in such a strange mood...I don't know the right word to describe it...not melancholy, or sad...a little restless and wanting to laugh, but not really having a reason to.  I suppose that it's got a name, I just don't know it...perhaps you do?

Fluffy Arrises From the Ashes

Quite recently, I realized that I really do prefer a drama free life, and to a certain extent I have achieved that.  Certainly, I have had my traumas but I am convinced that a trauma doesn't have to become a drama.  It's a working theory at this point, but I like it just the same.

Among other things, I have found parts of myself reemerging in small ways like, my love of power tools.  Sanding my picnic table with my Makita sander is therapeutic in some measurable way.  I don't make tremendous progress, but that doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I feel able.  I like that feeling so I'll probably be sanding some more.

My former husband taught me how to use a power sander, he wouldn't let me do it-but he showed me how.  It came in handy today as I prepare the redwood table to be reassembled after all this time.  I look forward to eating at it sometime in the next few weeks.  It's not a big job, but I don't have any reason to press myself in such hot weather.  It'll get done.

While I was sanding, and watching the beauty of the natural redwood reappear from beneath the weathered surface, I found myself rewriting my Fluffy book inside my head and I have decided that it is safe for me to approach that project that went up in smoke.  I guess I am over it, for all intensive purposes.   It feels good for that to be part of my past, and not part of my present.

I have decided that I really won't be maintaining this blog anymore...I can't say that I'll never post, it's just that while I was traveling it was important to me that people were able to find out what I was up to rather than worrying about what was going on with me.  Near as I can tell, I have one reader in the United States and the rest are in other parts of the world.  This is interesting in it's own right, but since I have no idea why people in Denmark and Russia want to read my blog while my family and friends do not, I don't really feel compelled to post on any sort of a regular basis, especially since no one posts any comments at all and I am getting busy with other things, finally.

It is good for me to have other things going on in my life.  I hope that you do too.  If you'd like to share them with me, please do.  I can be reached at goodhobbits@comcast.com.  I would really enjoy talking with you so don't be shy, even if it is an English lesson, after all, I am a teacher.  Once a teacher, always a teacher :D

The Most Relaxing Day, Ever

It was such a beautiful day, seventy-two degrees with such a slight breeze.  The birds were vocal and the porch was perfect.  I talked with a neighbor over the fence, ate watermelon and drank my tea.  It's not much to report, but I'll take it.

The World Ablaze

Laying low
keeping cool
as fires swept the landscape

my new city ablaze
smoke like familiar smog
unfamiliar to my new community

ten days later
perfect rain falls
and the fire comes under control

it burns still
consuming the trees
in between the fire lines

laying low
keeping cool
not much to do
but stay out of the way

Italian Ices For Everyone!

It has been so hot, one hundred degrees-which I expected in California, not Colorado.  It is the first time EVER that Colorado Springs has had three hundred degree days in a row.  It's possible that the fires are contributing to the heat, but between the heat and the smoke, it's not much different from Los Angeles at the moment.

The good news is that the Dollar Tree sells a four pack of Authentic Luigi's Italian Ices for - you guessed it - a dollar.  Let's just say I'm living on them and leave it at that.

Tomorrow will be the real test of whether or not I go buy a window air conditioner.  You never can tell.

Gee, But It's Great To Be Back Home, except for you

After 24 hours at home, I have accomplished many things, petting the cat, cleaning the bathroom, petting the cat, food shopping, petting the cat, banking, petting the cat, a load of laundry, brushing the cat, and finally, petting the cat.

It may seem like I've done a lot with the cat, but don't ask for her opinion.  As for the rest of it, I am happy to be home mostly.  My feet hurt less, YEAH, my cat is happy, double Yeah and aside from the unusually hot weather and local fires, it's pretty great except for all of the people that made my trip so wonderful!

Reuniting with the Fagan's after eighteen years, was so heartwarming.  I didn't realize that I still missed them all so much.  It was endearing how we picked back up without missing a beat, and the new members fit right into my heart.

In addition to those amazing reunions, I also reconnected with some friends, also absent from my life for a number of years for a variety of reasons.  Each and every one made my experience that much richer and my departure that much more bittersweet. 

Finally, I had little time to spend with some who I really would have enjoyed seeing, and beating in cribbage, but that will have to wait for another time.  Suffice it to say that the last thing said to me by many was, "When will you be back?"  I don't have an answer for that, but I am certain that it is not soon enough for the Fifth Cousins of the Queen.

Reunited and It Feels So Good

No, I am not going to sing you some sappy love song but I could think of no other fitting title for my experiences over this past week.  As you may know, I have been divorced for 18 years, and when we parted company I lost a family that I had taken to heart.  I understood that they were his family, but it was a powerful loss.

When my former passed away a couple of years ago, our niece (okay HIS niece) contacted me, which was very thoughtful and kind.  Since then she has reached out to me and we have reestablished our friendship.  This week, while in Los Angeles she invited me to dinner and it was more than nice, it was healing in a way I didn't really know I needed.

Since then, she has facilitated a reconnection with her brother, Kyle, who lived with us for a very short while but whom I also loved very much.  Today I saw him and met his amazing family.  He also brought along his mother, who greeted me as "sister" and filled my heart to overflowing.  Lindsay, Lisa's daughter also came and in an instant, we were family once again.  The frosting on the cake, three new additions to the family that never skipped a beat.

So many wonderful memories that I had set aside have come to surface and I am hoping that writing this will allow me to settle down for the sleep that I need, and somewhat crave.  I think I am so enjoying the emotions filling me up that I don't want this day to be over just yet...it is incredible to recover so much love, though there is certainly gaps in the years, there is no gap in the hearts.  Amazing!

First Annual Meeting of the Fifth Cousins of the Queen

I'm not really sure how it started, but I was laughing, and that is a good start to anything-so when it was proposed, I readily agreed.  We are the Fifth Cousin's of the Queen, a royal order of women who do extraordinary things benevolent, graceful, thoughtful and while flying below the radar of the royalty watchers.  We are a varied group, each bringing our own beauty and talents to the group and I am certain that one day we will be found out, who's to know what impact that will have on the world?  We do, but we're not telling.

Are you certain that you are royalty?  Positive that you were born into the wrong family or switched at birth from your rightful place as a dignitary in her own right?  You too may belong.  At some point, we will make you aware of how to join us in our adventures, one thing is for sure there will be festivities to come, and I will report all that the Princesses permit.  Until then, where have I put that tiara?

Extraordinarily Ordinary

After a wonderful dinner with a dear one, I looked back through my memories, those I haven't examined for a while.  So many extraordinary moments filled with extraordinary people...I wondered where they are and where all the time has gone?

Through the filter of an ordinary life, I get up and do all the regular things that make up a life and the days pass without my permission and sometimes without my awareness and I wonder...how could I ever think myself ordinary?  My days have been filled with people whom I love and people who have loved me, sometimes-the best times- they are both.

Could it be that I expect everyday to be that amazing day...that day that I can remember with such clarity?  What you were wearing, and how we laughed until tears slipped from our eyes.  The dog that made me think that I was an amazing dog trainer.  The children that looked at me with such love and affection that I thought my heart would melt.  Treasured memories of rooms filled with love and expectation.

These were ordinary moments in my life, ones that I took for granted because they occurred with such frequency and regularity that I failed to keep an accurate record of the wheres and the whens.  Now I have memories in isolation, moments that float free in passing through my mind.

Once I was a young woman, and I danced through my nights and worked through my days, or loved through my days and worked through my nights or worked, danced, loved, worked, danced, swam and loved and the years slipped away.

I was always so busy.  So aware that I didn't want to miss anything, and I didn't pass up on the opportunity to live my life to the fullest.  A friend once told me that I did more in day than most people did in a week and I was flattered- though I knew that it was true.

Children comforted on my shoulder, that made my arms ache and finally fall asleep are now adults, and other children take their position.  How many children have I held in this way?  I cannot remember all of their names and that shames me.

I see now that my life has not been ordinary, no matter what I thought at the time.  It is extraordinary that one person could experience so much love from so many sources.  I want to tell them how important they are to me, how much they changed my life, how much I wish to know them now.  Perhaps I just did?

Just A Little Lost

So, life presents another perfect trifector...returning from a trip that I couldn't afford to begin with, finding that my house sitter was running a crack house or a whore house or a crack whore house and accidentally locking myself out of my blog....which to address first?

Restoring the house to a state of order took practically an entire month.  In the old days, when I could clean the house thoroughly in a day or a weekend it still may have taken me a week but as it is, I no longer even attempt such an activity level...in the end, aside from the disappearance of this, that and the other thing, I just consider it another one of life's little challenges.

In the meantime, as you can plainly see, I have re-accessed my blog so I guess you could say that things are back to a more normal situation...and you now have my renewed commitment to post on more usual basis.

Speechless

For my birthday this year, I went to meet and visit with Vivian Marian.  It is not often that I am rendered speechless, but every time I try to talk about this amazing experience and what it means to me, I find myself unable to make complete sentences or am reduced to total mush so I will set this aside for another time.  It is too precious to address poorly

Emotional Anchors

I am writing you tonight from Fallon, NV.  Home of the most amazing events.  I seriously do not know where to begin, except at the beginning-of course, that is much too linear.

I had the most interesting insight yesterday.  It occurred to me that it took me more than twenty years to figure out that I had the most extraordinary life.  As I walked through it, it seemed like just another day of challenges with more success than failure, and a willingness to look at my mistakes from the inside, just to avoid repeating them/   This kept me very busy and I did not think this extraordinay either...what if, what if my life at this exact moment is also extraordinary?  I don't know anyone else that has experienced anything like my personal experiences-breathtaking or devastating, my story seems unbelievable to some-sometimes. even to me.

I know a couple of people specifically that believe me to be a whale-of-a-tale teller, to be polite.  It's okay, I've learned that whether or not someone believes me doesn't change the truth of it, it just means that my life is just that unbelievable.  If they can't believe it even possible, how would they respond if they actually lived it, like I do? 

This trip began with an unusually high level of anxiety, which isn't really surprising given last year's traumas.  Now that I've met sweet Vivian and visited with these dear ones, I want to go home and for the first time-that craving is Colorado. So, I guess I have adjusted to my new home.  It feels good to know that...for sometime now, I have felt adrift.

Never before in my life have I lived somewhere without others, loved ones to anchor me to a place and time.  My first semester of college is a close second, though I was fortunate to make a friend my first night in the dorm.  Constructing my life from whole cloth was and is, quite the challenge.  At this moment, I understand that my emotional anchors have a much longer and stronger chain than I realized.  That may not provide any solutions in and of itself, but it is good to know that I am not as untethered as I felt, and it is even better to know that as I get more familiar with adaptations to building a life that I can be proud of, the home team is rooting for me.

Sometimes I Wonder...

Sometimes I wonder about strange things...
then I wonder if other people wonder about them too,
but just don't talk about it...

then I think, maybe those conversations would be more interesting...
than what's on the news...
than politics...
than what stupid stars are doing...

Sometimes I wonder about strange things...
like how many friends you've made this year...
like what the most beautiful thing you've ever seen is...
like what food makes you drool just by thinking about it...
like which moment in life do you recall most often...

I would like to have these conversations

Infrequent Flyer

Okay you die hards, I'm posting just for you...Once again life has gotten away from me, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

If anyone would have told me that I'd have ten tax documents to prepare this year I wouldn't have believed them, but alas, I am not even exaggerating.  I've spent the last three days just reading instructions and trying to determine where to begin.  Tonight, I have that answer and so I can go to sleep at least feeling like I accomplished something.  Not that I've completed even the shortest of these forms, just that I have an idea of what it is that I need to do, and how the forms flow one into the other.  A paperless society indeed.

You can expect that I will not be posting until I have completed my taxes, April 15th for you non-Americans.  It may be that I have come to the end of this blog, unless someone tells me that they give a crap that I continue writing it.

I have other writing projects roaming around my mind and it may be that since I am no longer posting regularly, and my family and friends now can contact me at a residential address that it is time to let this go.  Who knows, I may need to blow off some steam mid-filing just to deal with words instead of numbers, but I doubt it. 

My email address is goodhobbits@comcast.net if you feel the need to contact me, just to be sure that I haven't left the planet, never fear, I keep my towel handy. {If you don't recognise that referent, read The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy and get back to me.}  You grok?  [If you don't get that referent, read Stranger in a Strange Land]  that ought to keep you busy until I get back.

How To Feel Rich and Fit

The struggles of these last few years have taken their toll on me, and if you don't know what struggles I'm talking about...well, then I guess you don't need to.  Anyway, I am not beyond feeling sorry for myself even if I do try to avoid it.

Recently, I have started giving an old woman a ride to church on Sundays.  I have no idea how old she is, but she looks a lot like a candy cane without the striping.  When she comes out of her apartment, she has her cane and she steadies herself on my arm.  It feels really good to be someone you can lean on.  Even if I am wearing bedroom slippers because I can't get my shoes on, I feel healthy and fit.

Recently, I have started working with the Springs Rescue Mission, and by working with I mean making a few phone calls from the comfort of my living room.  I went by the other day to see how many or if any volunteers showed up.  I was pleased to see four guys working, and it made me happy to know that the little bit I can do is worthwhile.

I've been thinking a lot about the women and their children that will be living there, and you know, I am truly blessed.  It really depends on where you look for confirmation but I can tell you that I am fit and quite wealthy at the moment.

A Fantasy Becomes Reality

Somewhere in my early twenties while walking passed a closed down motel I wished that they would turn that motel and all the vacant buildings into a home for the lost among us.  This week I have seen that idea turned into reality.

The Springs Rescue Mission has taken over a motel and is in the process of turning it into a home for women and children.  The program takes homeless families and gives them a room in this motel, equipped with all their needs.  The mothers and the children recieve educational support, as well as meeting all of their physical needs set up in a way that allows them not only to break the cycle of homelessness, but poverty as well.

As it happens, I was asked to make some phone calls looking for volunteers in the conversion of the building.  Using the phone book, I called churches in the area looking for skilled labor, plumbers, carpenters and the like to assist the master electrician that is currently completing his phase of the project. 

Every person that I spoke with was receptive to me and even though no one knew of anyone who was available to work, people started showing up.  It is my hope and prayer that they get all of the workers that they need to finish the project on time.

To fund the project, they are asking that a church, group or individual adopt one room.  The cost of furnishing one apartment for a family of five is $3,000.00.  Smaller families require less furniture and what all so that is the highest sponsorship.  Certainly, others are donating smaller amounts for consumables like diapers and the like.  When the family completes the program they get to keep all of the furniture and everything as well as assistance finding a place and staying on their feet.  It is very exciting to play even this small part in such an exciting project.

My Very Own Boycott

It all started with No Country For Old Men, one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen.  It blew my mind when it was nominated but floored me when it won Best Picture.  Best Picture?  Who?  Why?  What? 

You may know how many years ago that was, but I don't.  I do know that it was the beginning of the end for me and movies.  Since then I have found myself less and less willing to indulge in my former delight of parking myself in a dark theater and disappearing into someone else's reality for a couple of hours. 
As the time has passed, a couple of notions have grown in proportion to my dissatisfaction with movies in general.  One, who decides what gets made....I don't know, but I am not impressed.  In fact, not only movies fall into this category.  You can go back thirty years, and it is common conversation that there is nothing good on tv, so...why do they get awards every year?  Seriously, why do we support this concept?

As the stories of the truly bizarre behaviors of stars become common fodder for the tabloids I have asked myself once too often, why do these people command such incredible amounts of money?  Why do they then get nominated and televised, photographed and fawned, receive goody bags worth tens of thousands of dollars?  Where does this money come from, you.  That's right, because it doesn't come from me, I don't support them anymore.  I just can't.
It has been a number of years since I made the connection between my purchase of People, Time and or any other "news" periodical and the paparazzi.  That started with Princess Diana, when I quietly stopped supporting that madness by not buying their product.  Over time, I have gotten use to not know who was getting divorced or wearing which designer. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good movie, and I'm all for a good television show but I am also for a good education, good police, good firefighters, and last but not least, I am all for living in the land of the free because of the brave.  I'm just not for honoring people who got paid way too much money to do a job that comes catered.  Perhaps I am jaded from working their private affairs as a summer job while teaching? 

That gives me a good idea.  What if we had one, just ONE awards program that gave ONE award in each of these categories for all the rest of society?  How would we nominate our favorite nurse?  Our favorite crossing guard?  Could we spare it?  I know, I know, I'm dreaming. It's okay, it gives me something to think about while I am not watching the Academy Awards.

Inside Myself

Inside myself I feel ashiver
from things I must express
I write myself courageous words
to free me from the past

While I build this brand new life
it's too easy to go astray
with only myself to tell me
to get to work today

I do not want sympathy
it doesn't help at all
but my life is such a mystery
where will the pieces fall

Ten years from now
I will recall
these days of work and tears
knowing that I had to face
each one of my fears

The mirror does reflect to me
the passage of this time
What kind of future will I build?
The answer is divine.

Stuff, and other mundane issues

Sometimes life gets confusing, not like calling an electrician when you need a plumber more like the days when you need both.  Okay, one kept the house from burning down and the other got the water draining, but seriously.

Last night I realized that, once again, I've gotten the cart in front of the horse and it may be true that I am lefthanded in a righthanded world, but it does get confusing.  At the moment, I am finally fitting into this house-which is to say that I need to shift everything six feet to the right, and I'm only five five so, how does that figure?  It goes something like this...

The outlets in the living room aren't properly grounded so the computer needs to be hooked up in another room.  That moves the laptop (easy) into the office (cold) and the printer needs to move as well (no room).  So, I get to figure out what comes out of the office (supplies) and where they go (I have no idea).  As far as problems go, it isn't much of one however, I have first hand experience that moving one thing requires moving a whole lot of other things, and the logical part of me put it where it belongs to begin with...

The last twenty boxes are in the laundry area and the shed.  I am really interested in recovering some items that haven't shown up yet, but I think I'll need a crowbar to fit them in here.  Then I started thinking, I'm only one person-why do I need so much stuff?  What can I get rid of and if I was going to get rid of it why didn't I do that before I moved?  So there you have it, the cart is in front of the horse.  Then I looked around and realized that I really like my stuff and I got confused all over again.

George Carlin did a bit about "stuff" and it was as funny as all of his best bits, I didn't really expect to be living it.  He's a whole lot funnier than I am.  I tried to put the link here but it ended up on my Facebook page, if I can figure it out, I'll add it later.

The Stillness of Snow

It is snowing out, and the world is very quiet. 
A Saturday of stillness is welcome
Landmarks and landmines have passed through these days
I accept the opportunity to snuggle up,
warm, safe, and dry.

Will I ponder, read a good book or nap into the afternoon?
Little difference it will make as long as I do it soon.

Completely Unremarkable

I have come to the conclusion that some of my best days are completely unremarkable, nothing terrible happened, I didn't win a prize, I just had a day and it was good.  I like good days, even though they aren't very fantastic to write about.  I hope you have an unremarkable day as well.

It's Been a Dog-gone Week

I have been hoping for something light or encouraging to write about this week, but then I realized that it would not happen-and it probably shouldn't.  You see, my dog died.  There, I said it. 

He was a good companion, and was excellent on our travels these last couple of years.  It was only at home that he was a piece of work.  For all his antics, I surely miss him.  I don't think I miss him near as much as Fluffy does.

Fluffy was the size of an Italian sausage when I rescued her and her three siblings from under the library at school.  It was fortunate that I lived so close to the school because I was able to pop in and out on breaks and feed them.  It didn't take Coco long to adopt them and one day when I came in he was allowing them to suckle him.  Oh, how I wish I had a shot of that!

It may seem hard to believe, but Coco, a mid-sized half golden half shepard also taught them how to use the litter box.  I never saw him do it, but I was grateful when he stopped using it.  I will admit that it came in handy those few days when my meetings ran long or other event that kept me away for too long.

All these years, probably six or seven, Coco and Fluffy have had a very close relationship.  It's funny because they have the same coloring and so, I guess, they may have been related after all...I know that's silly, but who can really say?  Fluffy and Coco taught me a lot about love.  When Fluffy had her litter, Coco was right there to help.  Just watching them interact has more than amused me through all the trials and tribulations of the last couple of years. 

I am not in a hurry to get another dog, though I surely will.  I like my animals to pick me, which sometimes takes a while.  I know there are very many animals in need of rescuing, but some things take time and I think this is one of them.

The Sum Total

I used to think that Russian dolls were clever
all nested up inside each other
until you reach the solid core
not more than two inches high

Now, I feel differently
inside me the sixteen year old
terrified of nothing and afraid of everything
The twenty-one year old headed off to another coast
the twenty five year old restaurant manager
the thrity one year old bride
the thirty six year old divorce'
the ...layers

layers swallowed up layers
each with its own unique emotionality, identity and challenges

I recently suspected that I am typical
that all people are these unique and distinctive identities
layered upon layers
and then I realized, only the broken ones...

Posting Comments

Hey, I listened, then they listened.  You told me that comments were a total pain in the butt on the blog and I sent that along.  Now, they have unveiled a new commenting system that pledges to make it so much easier for you to leave feedback, so please do and they let me know how they did!

Step by Step, we'll all get there

This week, I have overcome some obstacles that have been holding me back.  One, my friends, Jim and Lorraine sent me a camera so that I could photograph my jewelry creations for the first time since the fire.  That was kind of funny because they thought they found my camera at their house (not entirely impossible, but since I thought it was in the van at the time of the fire I had completely given up on it).  With great excitement and anticipation they shipped me my camera and binoculars only to discover that neither had ever belonged to me.  True to form, Lorraine and Jim donated them to the cause and I was able to photograph and post my new pieces on Facebook.  I'll add them here just for the fun of it!

The other landmark established this month is that I had my first article posted on-line.  It's called "The New Year Is Upon Us" and is the first in a series of articles on starting over in the New Year.  It is published on the bizcovering.com site and I hope that you will read it and join in for all the pieces to getting the new year off to a profitable start.

These two projects have been enough to keep me busy, and I hope that you feel comfortable contacting me at goodhobbits@centurylink.net to clarify any questions you might have.

Holiday's Away

And so we close another holiday season, my first as a resident of Colorado.  I can't hold this holiday against Colorado, although it wasn't my worst holiday ever, it was close.  Really, it isn't fair to say that either...it was mostly boring-which could have been a whole lot worse.  At any rate, the decorations are mostly put away and settling in is back in the front and center of my activities. 

It was nice to see my decorations, since I was separated from them last year and two years is a long time to not see something.  Actually, it has been longer than that for some of my household goods, so as unexciting as it may be to hear (or read) I am enjoying unpacking as a continuation of the unveiling of my past. 

It is true that I am looking at my life through a very different lens.  While I suppose that is true for everyone (at least I hope it is) I feel that it is especially true for me partly because I have had some geographical shifts, as well as occupational and physical.  Each of these changes brings a psychological component along for the ride.

True to form, I have figured out some things way too late to do much about it and I figure while that is par for the course, there must be some reason that my life has given me this special opportunity to comb things out in such detail.  There is part of me that would much rather just plow ahead (formerly my favorite life strategy) but I can't help thinking that since I have this opportunity to make my life over, I might as well apply whatever lessons I can.  And so it goes...the unraveling continues.

Getting UnStuck

This week I spent almost all of my foot time getting the house together...unfortunately, I seem to make more of a mess fixing things than I do when I do nothing to reduce my tasks list.  So, what got done? The yard is now free of leaves, this is for the benefit of my neighbors, who consider it an eye sore.  Frankly, I like leaves but hey, I'm a good neighbor.

The outdoor storage shelves got moved to the back porch where they probably belonged all along.  Thank you Joseph and Ricky for providing the muscle to get this done.  No possible way I could do that.

My office is now functional.  This writes easily, but was actually a big pain in the Watusi.  There were many boxes stored in there and I had to contend with my teaching materials that break my heart.  So, what did I do with them?  I put them on the book shelves where they always lived, and I'll deal with getting rid of them when I can find a  place that can use them.  They are so specific to teaching elementary school that they really are of little or no use to anyone else and at least the boxes are out of the way.

The art work is now sorted and stored, except for the stuff that's going up.  I wrestled with whether or not to hang Mom's painting, which I call "My Mother's Madness" because it has no image and is all dark green and blended reds.  Some people find it scary to look at but since the other one she promised me never came to me, I am resolved to displaying the piece I have. 

The remaining pieces will be hung sometime next week.  I really could use someone to talk this through with but hey, they're not cast in concrete.

In the meantime, I have been doing some deep thinking, which doesn't pay.  It seems that the more I analyze things, the more I realize that I did the little things right and the big things wrong...such is life, at least mine, of course, I realized it later.

Awaiting Year's End

For a while, perhaps a couple of weeks, perhaps a couple of months, I have been waiting for things to fall into place.  So many gigantic things have happened in the last two years, they steamrolled me really.  My resources exhausted, I counseled myself to hold on, do nothing drastic and just wait it out.  This too shall pass...and it has.  Amen!

Looking at the new year, as if the first time a year has turned, has made me realize how amazingly blessed I have been.  For each difficulty I have encountered, a champion has emerged to fill in a blank created by a lost loved one, a fire, a friend, a home, a career, mobility and autonomy.  The causes stuck in my craw, the champions thanked and released...while I waited.

In a moment, I realized all that had been done for me.  I did not ask, I was not required to beg or to bleed.  Grace and generosity crossed the country and met me right where I was or enabled me to make the next leg of a trip to be covered in love as thick as honey.

I am grateful that I can finally see what was given me, and I am so glad that even in my confused state I recognized the generosity of my family and friends.  It was only by waiting that I stopped long enough to see the thread flow through my year(s).

On the other side of the imaginary New Year, I trust that something else has changed.  I trust that my new understanding will allow something wonderful to be produced from the love that fills my heart.  I trust that I am okay, even if I am a little tentative about that. 

Thank you for your participation, I couldn't have done it without you.  Trust me it's true, every gift, every grace, every prayer was needed and I thank God for you and for it.

I know that I have crossed that imaginary line because today, I designed my house in my head (I actually know what to do now), I laid out the outline for my next book, and I figured out how to manage writing one story while revising another.  It is my new challenge, it is a challenge I am ready to accept.  I have found a route to publishing and I am going to follow it.  The Fluffy books showed me that I could finish my stories, now they will follow the stories I have been writing all of my life. 
The winter is the perfect time for all of these writing tasks...how this blog will fit in remains to be seen.  Happy New Year, the waiting is over!