Awaiting Year's End

For a while, perhaps a couple of weeks, perhaps a couple of months, I have been waiting for things to fall into place.  So many gigantic things have happened in the last two years, they steamrolled me really.  My resources exhausted, I counseled myself to hold on, do nothing drastic and just wait it out.  This too shall pass...and it has.  Amen!

Looking at the new year, as if the first time a year has turned, has made me realize how amazingly blessed I have been.  For each difficulty I have encountered, a champion has emerged to fill in a blank created by a lost loved one, a fire, a friend, a home, a career, mobility and autonomy.  The causes stuck in my craw, the champions thanked and released...while I waited.

In a moment, I realized all that had been done for me.  I did not ask, I was not required to beg or to bleed.  Grace and generosity crossed the country and met me right where I was or enabled me to make the next leg of a trip to be covered in love as thick as honey.

I am grateful that I can finally see what was given me, and I am so glad that even in my confused state I recognized the generosity of my family and friends.  It was only by waiting that I stopped long enough to see the thread flow through my year(s).

On the other side of the imaginary New Year, I trust that something else has changed.  I trust that my new understanding will allow something wonderful to be produced from the love that fills my heart.  I trust that I am okay, even if I am a little tentative about that. 

Thank you for your participation, I couldn't have done it without you.  Trust me it's true, every gift, every grace, every prayer was needed and I thank God for you and for it.

I know that I have crossed that imaginary line because today, I designed my house in my head (I actually know what to do now), I laid out the outline for my next book, and I figured out how to manage writing one story while revising another.  It is my new challenge, it is a challenge I am ready to accept.  I have found a route to publishing and I am going to follow it.  The Fluffy books showed me that I could finish my stories, now they will follow the stories I have been writing all of my life. 
The winter is the perfect time for all of these writing tasks...how this blog will fit in remains to be seen.  Happy New Year, the waiting is over!