I am writing you tonight from Fallon, NV. Home of the most amazing events. I seriously do not know where to begin, except at the beginning-of course, that is much too linear.
I had the most interesting insight yesterday. It occurred to me that it took me more than twenty years to figure out that I had the most extraordinary life. As I walked through it, it seemed like just another day of challenges with more success than failure, and a willingness to look at my mistakes from the inside, just to avoid repeating them/ This kept me very busy and I did not think this extraordinay either...what if, what if my life at this exact moment is also extraordinary? I don't know anyone else that has experienced anything like my personal experiences-breathtaking or devastating, my story seems unbelievable to some-sometimes. even to me.
I know a couple of people specifically that believe me to be a whale-of-a-tale teller, to be polite. It's okay, I've learned that whether or not someone believes me doesn't change the truth of it, it just means that my life is just that unbelievable. If they can't believe it even possible, how would they respond if they actually lived it, like I do?
This trip began with an unusually high level of anxiety, which isn't really surprising given last year's traumas. Now that I've met sweet Vivian and visited with these dear ones, I want to go home and for the first time-that craving is Colorado. So, I guess I have adjusted to my new home. It feels good to know that...for sometime now, I have felt adrift.
Never before in my life have I lived somewhere without others, loved ones to anchor me to a place and time. My first semester of college is a close second, though I was fortunate to make a friend my first night in the dorm. Constructing my life from whole cloth was and is, quite the challenge. At this moment, I understand that my emotional anchors have a much longer and stronger chain than I realized. That may not provide any solutions in and of itself, but it is good to know that I am not as untethered as I felt, and it is even better to know that as I get more familiar with adaptations to building a life that I can be proud of, the home team is rooting for me.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Sometimes I Wonder...
Sometimes I wonder about strange things...
then I wonder if other people wonder about them too,
but just don't talk about it...
then I think, maybe those conversations would be more interesting...
than what's on the news...
than politics...
than what stupid stars are doing...
Sometimes I wonder about strange things...
like how many friends you've made this year...
like what the most beautiful thing you've ever seen is...
like what food makes you drool just by thinking about it...
like which moment in life do you recall most often...
I would like to have these conversations
then I wonder if other people wonder about them too,
but just don't talk about it...
then I think, maybe those conversations would be more interesting...
than what's on the news...
than politics...
than what stupid stars are doing...
Sometimes I wonder about strange things...
like how many friends you've made this year...
like what the most beautiful thing you've ever seen is...
like what food makes you drool just by thinking about it...
like which moment in life do you recall most often...
I would like to have these conversations
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Infrequent Flyer
Okay you die hards, I'm posting just for you...Once again life has gotten away from me, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
If anyone would have told me that I'd have ten tax documents to prepare this year I wouldn't have believed them, but alas, I am not even exaggerating. I've spent the last three days just reading instructions and trying to determine where to begin. Tonight, I have that answer and so I can go to sleep at least feeling like I accomplished something. Not that I've completed even the shortest of these forms, just that I have an idea of what it is that I need to do, and how the forms flow one into the other. A paperless society indeed.
You can expect that I will not be posting until I have completed my taxes, April 15th for you non-Americans. It may be that I have come to the end of this blog, unless someone tells me that they give a crap that I continue writing it.
I have other writing projects roaming around my mind and it may be that since I am no longer posting regularly, and my family and friends now can contact me at a residential address that it is time to let this go. Who knows, I may need to blow off some steam mid-filing just to deal with words instead of numbers, but I doubt it.
My email address is goodhobbits@comcast.net if you feel the need to contact me, just to be sure that I haven't left the planet, never fear, I keep my towel handy. {If you don't recognise that referent, read The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy and get back to me.} You grok? [If you don't get that referent, read Stranger in a Strange Land] that ought to keep you busy until I get back.
If anyone would have told me that I'd have ten tax documents to prepare this year I wouldn't have believed them, but alas, I am not even exaggerating. I've spent the last three days just reading instructions and trying to determine where to begin. Tonight, I have that answer and so I can go to sleep at least feeling like I accomplished something. Not that I've completed even the shortest of these forms, just that I have an idea of what it is that I need to do, and how the forms flow one into the other. A paperless society indeed.
You can expect that I will not be posting until I have completed my taxes, April 15th for you non-Americans. It may be that I have come to the end of this blog, unless someone tells me that they give a crap that I continue writing it.
I have other writing projects roaming around my mind and it may be that since I am no longer posting regularly, and my family and friends now can contact me at a residential address that it is time to let this go. Who knows, I may need to blow off some steam mid-filing just to deal with words instead of numbers, but I doubt it.
My email address is goodhobbits@comcast.net if you feel the need to contact me, just to be sure that I haven't left the planet, never fear, I keep my towel handy. {If you don't recognise that referent, read The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy and get back to me.} You grok? [If you don't get that referent, read Stranger in a Strange Land] that ought to keep you busy until I get back.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
How To Feel Rich and Fit
The struggles of these last few years have taken their toll on me, and if you don't know what struggles I'm talking about...well, then I guess you don't need to. Anyway, I am not beyond feeling sorry for myself even if I do try to avoid it.
Recently, I have started giving an old woman a ride to church on Sundays. I have no idea how old she is, but she looks a lot like a candy cane without the striping. When she comes out of her apartment, she has her cane and she steadies herself on my arm. It feels really good to be someone you can lean on. Even if I am wearing bedroom slippers because I can't get my shoes on, I feel healthy and fit.
Recently, I have started working with the Springs Rescue Mission, and by working with I mean making a few phone calls from the comfort of my living room. I went by the other day to see how many or if any volunteers showed up. I was pleased to see four guys working, and it made me happy to know that the little bit I can do is worthwhile.
I've been thinking a lot about the women and their children that will be living there, and you know, I am truly blessed. It really depends on where you look for confirmation but I can tell you that I am fit and quite wealthy at the moment.
Recently, I have started giving an old woman a ride to church on Sundays. I have no idea how old she is, but she looks a lot like a candy cane without the striping. When she comes out of her apartment, she has her cane and she steadies herself on my arm. It feels really good to be someone you can lean on. Even if I am wearing bedroom slippers because I can't get my shoes on, I feel healthy and fit.
Recently, I have started working with the Springs Rescue Mission, and by working with I mean making a few phone calls from the comfort of my living room. I went by the other day to see how many or if any volunteers showed up. I was pleased to see four guys working, and it made me happy to know that the little bit I can do is worthwhile.
I've been thinking a lot about the women and their children that will be living there, and you know, I am truly blessed. It really depends on where you look for confirmation but I can tell you that I am fit and quite wealthy at the moment.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
A Fantasy Becomes Reality
Somewhere in my early twenties while walking passed a closed down motel I wished that they would turn that motel and all the vacant buildings into a home for the lost among us. This week I have seen that idea turned into reality.
The Springs Rescue Mission has taken over a motel and is in the process of turning it into a home for women and children. The program takes homeless families and gives them a room in this motel, equipped with all their needs. The mothers and the children recieve educational support, as well as meeting all of their physical needs set up in a way that allows them not only to break the cycle of homelessness, but poverty as well.
As it happens, I was asked to make some phone calls looking for volunteers in the conversion of the building. Using the phone book, I called churches in the area looking for skilled labor, plumbers, carpenters and the like to assist the master electrician that is currently completing his phase of the project.
Every person that I spoke with was receptive to me and even though no one knew of anyone who was available to work, people started showing up. It is my hope and prayer that they get all of the workers that they need to finish the project on time.
To fund the project, they are asking that a church, group or individual adopt one room. The cost of furnishing one apartment for a family of five is $3,000.00. Smaller families require less furniture and what all so that is the highest sponsorship. Certainly, others are donating smaller amounts for consumables like diapers and the like. When the family completes the program they get to keep all of the furniture and everything as well as assistance finding a place and staying on their feet. It is very exciting to play even this small part in such an exciting project.
The Springs Rescue Mission has taken over a motel and is in the process of turning it into a home for women and children. The program takes homeless families and gives them a room in this motel, equipped with all their needs. The mothers and the children recieve educational support, as well as meeting all of their physical needs set up in a way that allows them not only to break the cycle of homelessness, but poverty as well.
As it happens, I was asked to make some phone calls looking for volunteers in the conversion of the building. Using the phone book, I called churches in the area looking for skilled labor, plumbers, carpenters and the like to assist the master electrician that is currently completing his phase of the project.
Every person that I spoke with was receptive to me and even though no one knew of anyone who was available to work, people started showing up. It is my hope and prayer that they get all of the workers that they need to finish the project on time.
To fund the project, they are asking that a church, group or individual adopt one room. The cost of furnishing one apartment for a family of five is $3,000.00. Smaller families require less furniture and what all so that is the highest sponsorship. Certainly, others are donating smaller amounts for consumables like diapers and the like. When the family completes the program they get to keep all of the furniture and everything as well as assistance finding a place and staying on their feet. It is very exciting to play even this small part in such an exciting project.
Monday, February 27, 2012
My Very Own Boycott
It all started with No Country For Old Men, one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen. It blew my mind when it was nominated but floored me when it won Best Picture. Best Picture? Who? Why? What?
You may know how many years ago that was, but I don't. I do know that it was the beginning of the end for me and movies. Since then I have found myself less and less willing to indulge in my former delight of parking myself in a dark theater and disappearing into someone else's reality for a couple of hours.
As the time has passed, a couple of notions have grown in proportion to my dissatisfaction with movies in general. One, who decides what gets made....I don't know, but I am not impressed. In fact, not only movies fall into this category. You can go back thirty years, and it is common conversation that there is nothing good on tv, so...why do they get awards every year? Seriously, why do we support this concept?
As the stories of the truly bizarre behaviors of stars become common fodder for the tabloids I have asked myself once too often, why do these people command such incredible amounts of money? Why do they then get nominated and televised, photographed and fawned, receive goody bags worth tens of thousands of dollars? Where does this money come from, you. That's right, because it doesn't come from me, I don't support them anymore. I just can't.
It has been a number of years since I made the connection between my purchase of People, Time and or any other "news" periodical and the paparazzi. That started with Princess Diana, when I quietly stopped supporting that madness by not buying their product. Over time, I have gotten use to not know who was getting divorced or wearing which designer.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good movie, and I'm all for a good television show but I am also for a good education, good police, good firefighters, and last but not least, I am all for living in the land of the free because of the brave. I'm just not for honoring people who got paid way too much money to do a job that comes catered. Perhaps I am jaded from working their private affairs as a summer job while teaching?
That gives me a good idea. What if we had one, just ONE awards program that gave ONE award in each of these categories for all the rest of society? How would we nominate our favorite nurse? Our favorite crossing guard? Could we spare it? I know, I know, I'm dreaming. It's okay, it gives me something to think about while I am not watching the Academy Awards.
You may know how many years ago that was, but I don't. I do know that it was the beginning of the end for me and movies. Since then I have found myself less and less willing to indulge in my former delight of parking myself in a dark theater and disappearing into someone else's reality for a couple of hours.
As the time has passed, a couple of notions have grown in proportion to my dissatisfaction with movies in general. One, who decides what gets made....I don't know, but I am not impressed. In fact, not only movies fall into this category. You can go back thirty years, and it is common conversation that there is nothing good on tv, so...why do they get awards every year? Seriously, why do we support this concept?
As the stories of the truly bizarre behaviors of stars become common fodder for the tabloids I have asked myself once too often, why do these people command such incredible amounts of money? Why do they then get nominated and televised, photographed and fawned, receive goody bags worth tens of thousands of dollars? Where does this money come from, you. That's right, because it doesn't come from me, I don't support them anymore. I just can't.
It has been a number of years since I made the connection between my purchase of People, Time and or any other "news" periodical and the paparazzi. That started with Princess Diana, when I quietly stopped supporting that madness by not buying their product. Over time, I have gotten use to not know who was getting divorced or wearing which designer.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good movie, and I'm all for a good television show but I am also for a good education, good police, good firefighters, and last but not least, I am all for living in the land of the free because of the brave. I'm just not for honoring people who got paid way too much money to do a job that comes catered. Perhaps I am jaded from working their private affairs as a summer job while teaching?
That gives me a good idea. What if we had one, just ONE awards program that gave ONE award in each of these categories for all the rest of society? How would we nominate our favorite nurse? Our favorite crossing guard? Could we spare it? I know, I know, I'm dreaming. It's okay, it gives me something to think about while I am not watching the Academy Awards.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Inside Myself
Inside myself I feel ashiver
from things I must express
I write myself courageous words
to free me from the past
While I build this brand new life
it's too easy to go astray
with only myself to tell me
to get to work today
I do not want sympathy
it doesn't help at all
but my life is such a mystery
where will the pieces fall
Ten years from now
I will recall
these days of work and tears
knowing that I had to face
each one of my fears
The mirror does reflect to me
the passage of this time
What kind of future will I build?
The answer is divine.
from things I must express
I write myself courageous words
to free me from the past
While I build this brand new life
it's too easy to go astray
with only myself to tell me
to get to work today
I do not want sympathy
it doesn't help at all
but my life is such a mystery
where will the pieces fall
Ten years from now
I will recall
these days of work and tears
knowing that I had to face
each one of my fears
The mirror does reflect to me
the passage of this time
What kind of future will I build?
The answer is divine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)