The Sum Total

I used to think that Russian dolls were clever
all nested up inside each other
until you reach the solid core
not more than two inches high

Now, I feel differently
inside me the sixteen year old
terrified of nothing and afraid of everything
The twenty-one year old headed off to another coast
the twenty five year old restaurant manager
the thrity one year old bride
the thirty six year old divorce'
the ...layers

layers swallowed up layers
each with its own unique emotionality, identity and challenges

I recently suspected that I am typical
that all people are these unique and distinctive identities
layered upon layers
and then I realized, only the broken ones...

Posting Comments

Hey, I listened, then they listened.  You told me that comments were a total pain in the butt on the blog and I sent that along.  Now, they have unveiled a new commenting system that pledges to make it so much easier for you to leave feedback, so please do and they let me know how they did!

Step by Step, we'll all get there

This week, I have overcome some obstacles that have been holding me back.  One, my friends, Jim and Lorraine sent me a camera so that I could photograph my jewelry creations for the first time since the fire.  That was kind of funny because they thought they found my camera at their house (not entirely impossible, but since I thought it was in the van at the time of the fire I had completely given up on it).  With great excitement and anticipation they shipped me my camera and binoculars only to discover that neither had ever belonged to me.  True to form, Lorraine and Jim donated them to the cause and I was able to photograph and post my new pieces on Facebook.  I'll add them here just for the fun of it!

The other landmark established this month is that I had my first article posted on-line.  It's called "The New Year Is Upon Us" and is the first in a series of articles on starting over in the New Year.  It is published on the bizcovering.com site and I hope that you will read it and join in for all the pieces to getting the new year off to a profitable start.

These two projects have been enough to keep me busy, and I hope that you feel comfortable contacting me at goodhobbits@centurylink.net to clarify any questions you might have.

Holiday's Away

And so we close another holiday season, my first as a resident of Colorado.  I can't hold this holiday against Colorado, although it wasn't my worst holiday ever, it was close.  Really, it isn't fair to say that either...it was mostly boring-which could have been a whole lot worse.  At any rate, the decorations are mostly put away and settling in is back in the front and center of my activities. 

It was nice to see my decorations, since I was separated from them last year and two years is a long time to not see something.  Actually, it has been longer than that for some of my household goods, so as unexciting as it may be to hear (or read) I am enjoying unpacking as a continuation of the unveiling of my past. 

It is true that I am looking at my life through a very different lens.  While I suppose that is true for everyone (at least I hope it is) I feel that it is especially true for me partly because I have had some geographical shifts, as well as occupational and physical.  Each of these changes brings a psychological component along for the ride.

True to form, I have figured out some things way too late to do much about it and I figure while that is par for the course, there must be some reason that my life has given me this special opportunity to comb things out in such detail.  There is part of me that would much rather just plow ahead (formerly my favorite life strategy) but I can't help thinking that since I have this opportunity to make my life over, I might as well apply whatever lessons I can.  And so it goes...the unraveling continues.

Getting UnStuck

This week I spent almost all of my foot time getting the house together...unfortunately, I seem to make more of a mess fixing things than I do when I do nothing to reduce my tasks list.  So, what got done? The yard is now free of leaves, this is for the benefit of my neighbors, who consider it an eye sore.  Frankly, I like leaves but hey, I'm a good neighbor.

The outdoor storage shelves got moved to the back porch where they probably belonged all along.  Thank you Joseph and Ricky for providing the muscle to get this done.  No possible way I could do that.

My office is now functional.  This writes easily, but was actually a big pain in the Watusi.  There were many boxes stored in there and I had to contend with my teaching materials that break my heart.  So, what did I do with them?  I put them on the book shelves where they always lived, and I'll deal with getting rid of them when I can find a  place that can use them.  They are so specific to teaching elementary school that they really are of little or no use to anyone else and at least the boxes are out of the way.

The art work is now sorted and stored, except for the stuff that's going up.  I wrestled with whether or not to hang Mom's painting, which I call "My Mother's Madness" because it has no image and is all dark green and blended reds.  Some people find it scary to look at but since the other one she promised me never came to me, I am resolved to displaying the piece I have. 

The remaining pieces will be hung sometime next week.  I really could use someone to talk this through with but hey, they're not cast in concrete.

In the meantime, I have been doing some deep thinking, which doesn't pay.  It seems that the more I analyze things, the more I realize that I did the little things right and the big things wrong...such is life, at least mine, of course, I realized it later.

Awaiting Year's End

For a while, perhaps a couple of weeks, perhaps a couple of months, I have been waiting for things to fall into place.  So many gigantic things have happened in the last two years, they steamrolled me really.  My resources exhausted, I counseled myself to hold on, do nothing drastic and just wait it out.  This too shall pass...and it has.  Amen!

Looking at the new year, as if the first time a year has turned, has made me realize how amazingly blessed I have been.  For each difficulty I have encountered, a champion has emerged to fill in a blank created by a lost loved one, a fire, a friend, a home, a career, mobility and autonomy.  The causes stuck in my craw, the champions thanked and released...while I waited.

In a moment, I realized all that had been done for me.  I did not ask, I was not required to beg or to bleed.  Grace and generosity crossed the country and met me right where I was or enabled me to make the next leg of a trip to be covered in love as thick as honey.

I am grateful that I can finally see what was given me, and I am so glad that even in my confused state I recognized the generosity of my family and friends.  It was only by waiting that I stopped long enough to see the thread flow through my year(s).

On the other side of the imaginary New Year, I trust that something else has changed.  I trust that my new understanding will allow something wonderful to be produced from the love that fills my heart.  I trust that I am okay, even if I am a little tentative about that. 

Thank you for your participation, I couldn't have done it without you.  Trust me it's true, every gift, every grace, every prayer was needed and I thank God for you and for it.

I know that I have crossed that imaginary line because today, I designed my house in my head (I actually know what to do now), I laid out the outline for my next book, and I figured out how to manage writing one story while revising another.  It is my new challenge, it is a challenge I am ready to accept.  I have found a route to publishing and I am going to follow it.  The Fluffy books showed me that I could finish my stories, now they will follow the stories I have been writing all of my life. 
The winter is the perfect time for all of these writing tasks...how this blog will fit in remains to be seen.  Happy New Year, the waiting is over!

Celebrating The Traditional Twelve Days of Christmas

"Okay, Christmas is over!"  you say.  I get it, they started the ads before Halloween and if you hear one Jingle Bell Rock one more time your ears will begin to bleed.  I really do get it.  There is however just one pesky detail...

If, and only if, you believe in the birth of Christ then Dec. 25 is the first day (of Christmas) and as anyone who's sung the song can tell you, there are twelve days of Christmas.  In many cultures it is actually the twelfth day that is considered Christmas.  That is the day that Christ was presented at the temple and recognized by good old what's his name as the Messiah.  Now, that may be way too religious for a whole lot of ya, but I have a couple reasons of my own for going traditional.

First, the days following the 25th have always been the ones where all the running around is over.  You get to play with your toys, visit with family and friends, and school's not back until at least the 2nd.  You get to breathe a bit.  Since I've taken this all a little more seriously, I realize that these are the days when one little tiny baby was the wonder of the world.  I remember falling in love with a one day old, it is not to be skipped over.  I for one, want these days to step back from the frenzy that Madison Avenue started and has taken on a life of its own...no, take some time to fall in love again.  Enjoy the holidays, bask in the love of family and friends that we seem to only take out for this special occasion.  Don't be in such a hurry to put away the Christmas spirit.

For another thing, it has pissed me off, for as long as I can remember, that this holiest of days has been hijacked by companies that want to sell me CARS to give as gifts and other ridiculous notions...arrrrg.  More practically, I haven't finished (or necessarily started) my Christmas cards, shipping gifts and I just got the decorations up.  So there, I'm just getting started and if you know me - even a little bit - you know that I am not letting the big businesses hijack my holidays, so if you are done - good for you!  You can save my card for next year, and in that case, I'm early for a change.  Merry Christmas!